Llandudno

Llandudno isn’t pronounced anything like you’d think.

But I like it here.

I like the Imperial Hotel too, it’s like going back in time 100 years or more, and it’s very smart.

I had my first swimming lesson here today ☺☺☺☺☺

And now I’m totally exhausted.

I’ll tell you more when I’m not using a tablet to post with.

Jack Collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Where I had my very first swimming lesson ever.

Almost Drowning in Turkey

Always look before you leap.

When I went on a day’s boat trip in Turkey I jumped into what looked like fairly shallow water.  Turned out it was about 60 feet deep.  It also turned out that I’ve just about forgotten how to swim.

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I almost drowned before I made it back to our boat.

As almost drowning on vacation is not a good plan, I am taking a week’s 1 to 1 professional swimming instruction, from a lady called Sarah Kentish.

This will be in the pool of the Imperial Hotel in a British seaside resort called Llandudno.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

I wonder if I’ve forgotten how to ride a bicycle too?

Scenes on Sunday ~ Clouds

It’s clouds illusions I recall, I really don’t now clouds at all.

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jack collier

jackcollier&@talktalk.net

Scenes on Sunday ~ Beaches

A beach is not just a stretch of empty sand.

One of the things I like about Orange County are the fabulous beaches.  I like the women too ~ of course.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

there’s a kitten I would like to take there

Relationships

A wise woman should have money in her head, not in her heart.

Yesterday, or maybe it was the day before, I was at the dentist to have a tooth extracted.  You get a local anaesthetic, which my not be quite as local as one thinks.  Because after my trip to the dentist I wrote and said some things that were truthfully hurtful.

Under the effects of that local I realised that;

One cannot forget one’s past.

Everything you have done is always a part of you.

Women, most of all, want a guy who has a lot of money.

I am very cool with all of that, my friend in California is not.  She hates that I know her for what she was and is.

But, there was a rope that tethered me to her, and without her my life would have been incomplete and unresolved.  I know that I need to be honest and open with her, and calling her a slut isn’t such a positive thing to say, even if it’s true.

There is an opportunity for me. It maybe comes once in a lifetime.

I need to put the past behind me, especially where it comes to the woman who used to matter to me the most.  She is yesterday.

The past is where it belongs, and I can now progress on the next stage of my life.  I am done with the Californian girl.

Falling for a woman who used to think casual sex, younger men, and cocaine were cool may not have been the best thing I ever did.

Things may be frustrating right now, but I know that patience and perseverance will pay off in the end.

And I might have found a kitten to cuddle.

The pictures today are just because I like them.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

Sex, Love, and Heartache

Wherever I go, I always find that special person who is so wrong for me.

In the world’s largest financial centres, I spent most of my career making a hell of a lot of money by exploiting my knowledge of people and what makes them tick.  In London, Paris, New York, and Chicago I learned to read people, and know what they really want, need, and desire.  My skill was in matching the things I could do with what my clients thought they wanted.  And, for a long while, I was the acknowledged world expert in my field of esoteric banking.  But, really, my success was all due to the way I could use my interpersonal skills.

If I am so skilled at the art of interpersonal relationships, how come I can get it so wrong with women?  Some of the time I am forceful, passionate, prideful, self-indulgent, sensual, lustful, and too warm towards women who possess grace, beauty, and charm.  If I am very attracted to a woman I can be far too liberal with my affection, compassion, time, love, and money.  I tend to do a little too much by way of extravagances, and luxuries.  Maybe I send flowers too often.  And, as you would expect, sometimes these women take everything I can give without the slightest show of gratitude, appreciation, or affection in return.

A fool and his money are soon parted, especially when it comes to affairs of the heart.  ~  Thomas Tusser

Obviously I am not doing the right things, in the right way, at the right time, with the right person.  There isn’t the right balance, or sense of equilibrium.  And there’s the rub ~ we don’t choose who we fall in love with.

Something tells me that self-confidence, strength, and passion are a heady mixture which is not always under my control ~ I often let my emotions run away with me, and this can only lead to loneliness and heartache.

My past has been marred by decisions I made that have left me feeling disappointed and bitter.  It’s important for me to remember that I am accountable for my decisions.  What I need to do is reflect on those past choices in a frank and healthy way, without looking at the past through rose-coloured glasses, or sugar coating the choices I made in error.  I have made many bad choices, which then turned out very differently from the way I had hoped.

At times this has caused me much pain, worry, wasted time, and wasted money.  Perhaps I fool myself that I always tried to do my best, and that I always had good intentions at heart ~ but I don’t think so.  I did my best with the cards Life dealt me, but somehow things always took unexpected turns.

There may have been doubts in my heart which I ignored.  I was careless, and not always honest with myself.  I have often acted impulsively, with utter disregard for the consequences.  I have had the feeling of being utterly out of my depth, and I usually pressed on regardless.

Some say that we can only learn by our own mistakes.  And, that we don’t fail by falling down, we fail by  staying down.  All I know is that I’ve made some bloody painful mistakes.

If there’s nothing much about sex in the paragraphs I’ve written above ~ that’s because usually there hasn’t been any.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Exactly the sort of woman I should have never been involved with.  Great legs do not necessarily a nice person make.

 

Food on Friday ~ Easy Summer Dishes

All I’ve got’s this lazy summer afternoon, food, and wine, and you…..

Face it, on a nice warm summer’s day, the last thing we want to do is spend ages in the kitchen.  These dishes are perfect for summer, and they’re all amazingly easy; the kind of recipes where you can do much of the prep work in your yard, in the sunshine…..

It seems a while since I did a Food on Friday, so let’s see if I can still pull together a good menu.  There are a lot of peaches involved this week.

First for this Friday we have summer spaghetti with tomatoes and burrata from Chungah at Damn Delicious.  (I guess if you can’t get burrata then a mozzarella would work pretty well too.)  This really is a 25 minute meal which would be perfect for lunch, a light dinner, or to take to work and zap in the microwave.

Summer Spaghetti with Tomatoes and Burrata

Next this week we have a fabulous 30 minute recipe from Sabrina Modelle; grilled salmon with peach salsa.  This dish has so much going for it; you can cook the salmon on the BBQ, which means you can make the whole recipe in your yard.  Anything with grilled salmon looks really special, so this is something you can serve to guests.  And, best of all, it’s a 30 minute recipe that will make a great lunch, dinner, or something to take to work the following day.  (This recipe was found for us by Elise at Simply Recipes).

Grilled Salmon with Peach Salsa

Tieghan Gerard at Half Baked Harvest has posted a lot of great recipes recently, but for this Food on Friday I’ve chosen to feature this 25 minute recipe for pesto zucchini and peach pizza with burrata.  This really is a taste of high summer, and so very easy to make.  Again you could serve this dish at lunch, dinner, as a snack, or take some to work the following day ~ maybe.

Pesto Zucchini and Peach Pizza with Burrata

From San Diego girl Averie Sunshine at Averie Cooks, we have this very, very easy recipe for sheet pan summer vegetables and chicken.  I love sheet pan recipes, they are just so simple and there is so little clean-up afterwards.  Averie says this easy, healthy, one pan meal should be ready in half-an-hour or so.

Sheet Pan Summer Vegetables and Chicken

The Minimalist Baker concentrates on vegetarian recipes of 10 ingredients or less that take less than a half-hour to prepare.  This cheesy spaghetti squash pasta will actually need about an hour and a half , including cook time, but the prep is dead easy.  This 9 ingredient dish looks fabulous

Cheesy Spaghetti Squash Pasta

Jessica Merchant at How Sweet Eats says this following recipe is THE SALAD OF THE SUMMER; or less shouty, the best summer panzanella salad.  You know what?  Jessica may just be right, this easy dish looks delicious.

The Best Summer Panzanella Salad

For something to drink that isn’t sucking down beer from a bottle, Jessica also has this delicious pinot peach sangria ~ another sangria recipe, and more peaches……  You can’t have too much of a good thing.

Pinot Peach Sangria

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

A little while ago Food on Friday was about summer vegetables and salads.

Some perfect side dishes to go with this week’s recipes.

So, now I need counselling.

Never look to another to tell you who you really are.

A friend of mine has said that I need some form of mental health / spiritual counselling ~ suggesting to me that she thinks there’s something seriously wrong with the way I feel, think, act, and react to events and people.  I guess she believes that I don’t feel, think, act, or react in ways that she likes when it comes to my friendship with her.

I thought about this a lot and very seriously.  I am fully aware that I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships, and I also know there are, (at least), a couple of reasons for this.

Something happened to me deep in my early childhood, so far back that I don’t know exactly what happened to me when I was maybe 3 years old.  But whatever happened had a very profound effect on me, sufficient to change my personality for my whole life.  It’s complicated, but various mental-health types have said a couple of things; #1 I don’t have bipolar disorder, and #2 I may have had borderline personality disorder, but if I had I’ve recovered.  Well, that’s helpful….. or not. The practical upshot of whatever happened when I was a young child is that I will not willingly accept advice, criticism, or chastisement.  So what?  That just puts me in line with 99% of the rest of the crazy people on this planet.

The second reason I don’t follow normal rules of behaviour is because I’m better than that. I’m enlightened, truthful, open, ethical, grounded, and fucking smart.  And to be honest, with the exception of the people who follow me on this blog, that makes me a better man than anyone any of us is likely to meet in an average day.

So, I thought about this very carefully when it came to finding a therapist / counsellor / spiritual adviser….. and decided that wasn’t going to happen.

I’ve spent the greater part of the past 2, 3, or maybe 4 years trying to walk the warrior’s path.  Trying to find out who I am, who I was, and who I wish to be.  And now, after years of effort, I’m finally beginning to see some light.

It may just be a candle in a hurricane of hellish darkness, but that small light is me.

The little boy may have become a broken man, with a broken spirit and broken dreams, but today I can hold on and today I’m feeling strong.  I know who I am, and I’m not a shadow or the man in the mirror anymore.

No over-qualified, well-intentioned, mental health wazzock is going to be given my permission to dip their dirty fingers into my soul.  There is no chance of me attending therapy / counselling / psychotherapy.  Not now, not next year, not ever.

It turns out that I know who I am, and I like who I am.  And, those that don’t can fuck off.  Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, and please don’t keep in touch.

Some say that humility is the true key to success.  And, that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.  All I know is that I’ve tried humility and therapy, and all I got was insanity.

I have a new plan of action concerning my supposed need for counselling.  I am happy to take no action whatsoever.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

Marmaduke is as sick of misplaced and unwanted advice as I am.

blame it on the moon

Poets, lovers, and lunatics have such seething brains.

lost and alone, dismal depressed heartsick

I didn’t want to get angry again so soon

I spoke with her in the late afternoon

and I thought I was now immune

you can blame it on the moon

I’m still just a bitter lunatic

blame it on the moon

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

It’s just the dark of the moon.

Wisdom and Courage

Knowledge, intuition, and self-confidence aren’t always enough.

Yesterday I reacted very badly to what I felt was negative criticism, from a very close friend, of some posts I had recently written.  I took the critical comments from my friend both personally and probably more negatively than she meant to sound.  And yet, looking back, I still feel that her comments about my blog were a thinly veiled attack on me, which was really about something else entirely, something else I had done.  It would be nice to know what…..

Yesterday, I broke two of my own rules;

Rule #9  Trust in your own opinions, but always be prepared to listen to the other person’s point of view.

and

Rule #10  Be accepting, understanding, and compassionate.

It’s all very well my not liking what people do or say, but I should have the wisdom and courage to accept and understand that her thoughts and opinions are not my thoughts and opinions.  I should be able to rise above the shit that life and other people throw at me from time to time.  I should not be dragged down into the mire by other people.  I should make a better choice than to feel so hurt and distressed by the things others may say to me.

If a man is going to let his spirit truly fly then he needs the self-confidence to spread his wings.  Sometimes a man also needs wisdom to make better decisions and wiser choices if he is going to realise his potential and manifest his true destiny.  If he is going to walk the warrior’s path to spiritual prosperity and inner peace, then a man needs to walk that path without scepticism, fear, or self-doubt.

I know that things do not get better overnight, that this is going to be a step by step, iterative process, and that to make positive changes in my life I first of all have to show up for life and actually have the courage to make some changes.  Not every choice I make is going to be a good choice, but a golden rule is that if things aren’t working out, then do something else instead.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  ~Einstein

I also have some new tools to help me; I am learning the power of truth, mindfulness, self-care, meditative affirmations and mandalas.  I know that I need to show more gratitude and care through my actions for those who matter most to me ~ including myself.   I know I need to listen to the guidance of those who care for me because they can show me the path I need to take.  I know that I shouldn’t listen when others are attacking me out of their own personal inadequacies.

There needs to be new challenges, new rituals, and new guidelines in my life.  I need to ask a lot of myself, and of those close to me, but I need to be patient, mindful, and caring too.

To make wise choices I need to consider the past, the present, the future, and look at potentialities with some wisdom and reasonableness.  What I need to lose is anger, bitterness, judgementalism, and paranoia.

I have made some changes, and taken some decisions.  I’ve joined a different gym, and I’m going there and exercising regularly.  I’m going to the pool regularly.  I walk everywhere, I’ve changed my diet, and I’m getting better rest and sleep.  I am going to travel more, I’ve just got back from Turkey, and in a little while I’m going to Crete.  After that, well if you can’t find me, I’m on vacation.

Some say that there are wonderful, warm, loving, powerful, indulgent, and courageous energies in the universe.  And, that all men seek and desire; love, happiness, grace, beauty, charm, and pleasure.  All that I know is that I have to act quickly to find my true life path.

The Best is yet to come ~ I may have seen the sun but I’ve never seen it shine, and now it’s raining in my heart.

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jack collier

jackcollier7@talktalk.net

 

the road is long, and mostly lonely

 

 

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