Frogs and snails and puppy-dogs tails…..
It has become fucking obvious to me that I need to address some things I have been unhappy with for a very long time. I need to start putting my own personal band back together. (at least I can dance like fred astaire)
I need to change, and not just for me, but for the ‘greater good’.
Well I’ll just go to the top of our stairs.
My very best friends have been telling me this for yonks.
The changes I need to make should not be to meet some base personal ends, such as money, power, or sex. (OK that last is hard.)
The changes I need to make should be for the good of you, me, everybody…
OK, strike 1 and 2, they are not an issue. I have money, and I’ve had power and you can keep it. Being a guy #3 is always on the table. But then, little girls are not always made of sugar and spice and everything nice.
Would I trade friendship for sex? Would I fuck your daughter / girlfriend / my friend / a co-worker?
Yes Just maybe Probably not. Which shows that I still have a long way to go. I need to try to do good. Maybe I’m still just a dog at heart. If anyone out there want’s sex then…
At least I’ve never ever picked up a girl in a bar.
Marmaduke wouldn’t stand for it.
Land is the far greatest of fraudulent perpetual monopolies. ~ Winston Churchill
As it goes, and speaking as a guy with 30 odd years of banking under his belt, in the long term, financially, your beach home / house / apartment is worth less than nothing.
You may say that it’s been valued at $1,350,000 but what does that actually mean?
It means that if you sell the place, then that’s what you’ll get. Less all the bloodsucking bankers, lawyers, and realtors fees.
You’ll probably plough the $1,350,000 into a bigger place that’s notionally worth $1,450,000. And, in human terms that new place is worth even less than nothing. You will work much harder to keep it.
All you are doing is paying rent, and working harder to keep the place….. And, then you’ll die.
The only way your $1,500,000 place is worth anything at all to you is if you sell up and live in a van.
Real Estate is all about cost. Look at your monthly / annual bills and you will see that your house is costing you a fucking fortune. Any bum can have 80% of what you have for nothing. Trust me, I know, I’ve been there.
Any First Nations elder will tell you that property is expensive theft.
Banking and the real estate industry is built on the notion that your property is intrinsically worth something, and it isn’t. You can’t take it with you, and when the next Big One comes it won’t even be there.
But, even though I know that the Wizard is a fraud, I will never persuade you.
For the truth means you have too much to lose.
I thought about a school bus once,
but then I’d want a woman to share it with me,
All that we see is the result of what we thought.
The things that I thought were the things I desired, and the things that I saw were created by my own wants, needs, and desires.
To see beyond my own expectations is to begin to realise that not everyone thinks as I do ~ not even my enemy or my closest friend.
After the past few days I realise that attraction does not work like a bludgeon that ensures that what you want you will get. Rather, attraction works through feelings, focus, imagination, patience, and magic.
But then, I’m only an Englishman, so what do I know?
Sometimes, just sometimes, the magic happens.
a man cannot find the friendship of a Goddess by chasing her
one has to await the magic
’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson
There seems to be a problem with a relationship I’m having with a woman who is very important to me.
In the end it has come down to those two perennial issues; money and sex.
But, this relationship was always about just how much money I was prepared to spend ~ and just how little I was prepared to accept in return. Now it’s about a $25,000 car…..
You’d think a mature man such as I would have seen this from the start ~ truth be told I did, but perhaps I just wasn’t prepared to accept the painful reality it.
You Think A Man Would Know
Perhaps things will turn out well after all.
or maybe Marmaduke and I will hit the road again
So I can’t sit own and let the time of my real being take me, for if I try and for a moment can see no direction, cannot tell where I am going, I am filled with panic, scared of emptiness. I am driven and must always look to the far horizons. ~ Joanna Field
For most of my life it seemed that I was afraid of still serenity, uncomfortable of just having nothing to do, and having to make no plans. I seemed to be happiest if there was a great deal going on around me, as though I was in the midst of a raging storm.
I have come to believe that this was a manifestation of what was going on inside my own mind, that I was driven by a mixture of perfectionism and fear of failure.
My focus seemed to be on what I didn’t have; materially, intellectually, and spiritually. My glass was always half empty, never half full.
Perhaps that was not such a good place to be.
Instead of bemoaning what I don’t have and the things I feel are wrong with my life, I am changing my attitude to celebrate what I do have.
Today I have an infinite number of choices, and they all begin with me having a positive outlook. The decisions I make today will have a direct bearing on how meaningful and mindful my life will be.
I am reminded of some words by Ralf Waldo Emerson; This time, like all times, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it.
Today I will try to do some good and mindful things with my time.
Today I will be peaceful amid the storms.
To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the lunatic prisoner was you. ~ Louis B. Smedes.
There has never been much forgiveness in my life, and mostly I have been very unforgiving of myself. I expect to cope, whatever happens, and be a high achiever. At times I can act like a lunatic.
This has led me into a very disruptive pattern in my life. A pattern which others can often recognise better than I can. These words of advice were sent to me a couple of days ago, by a very good friend. This is how she describes my life.
- High on Life …… very optimistic….. on top of the world.
- Sexual buzz is strong.
- I forget all the things that were said when I tried to confront past problems and issues
- Minor irritation sets in when I don’t feel appreciated. I become resentful and mistrustful.
- I start looking for the hidden dark meaning in things said, or not said. Become more distrustful, and often angry ~ often very angry with myself.
- Get totally pissed-off when feelings, emotions, and thoughts that have no basis in truth fill my mind. Start to apply twisted logic to situations and conversations.
- Voices in my mind tell me to escape, say ‘Fuck It All’, and then I will have a drink or 10.
- Go missing from the world for days at a time, during which something very bad will happen.
That’s been the pattern of my life for a very long time. I need to recognise it, and cut it off at the neck when the darker, depressive thoughts begin.
I agree with my friend that I need to try to live with inner peace, mindfulness, and serenity.
Escaping into booze is no solution.
Marmaduke lives very peacefully
Some things are just such novel and cool ideas.
Marmaduke was so disappointed not to see this magical little garden ~ so perfect for a teddy bear
The death of a computer can be a man’s best friend.
My pc has died, so I am typing on my tablet.
Not so good.
The key is to remember my friends.
And go beyond just saying thanks.
Thank you Marmaduke.
what do you need to learn now?
My best friend is Marmaduke
What did I learn today?
I learned that I might need to know that I should be quiet and listen to myself.
Sometimes holing us on makes us strong
Understand what really happened
Take your head out of the sand
Resole the past
Let the past help you move forward
After 5 years my ex called me to ask about some keys
I love my present friend